Daly Focus Blog
One of the hardest parts of parenting during the teen years is understanding how to have conversations that really matter about tough issues like broken trust, difficult friendships, or dating. We want to help our kids become who God created them to be, but tough conversations can quickly turn emotional or tense and leave us wondering if we helped the situation or made it worse.
You may find it helpful to reframe those moments. Think of your child as a dump truck filled with diamonds.
If you’re married, you and your spouse probably recited vows to each other at your wedding. You probably also discovered that once you stepped down from the altar, words weren’t enough. You had to live it out.
Marriage can be a struggle. You’re not living a fairytale where everything is “happily ever after.” Conflict happens. You’ll face unmet expectations, differing viewpoints, and unexpected storms – like a job loss, trouble with your kids, or heart-breaking news that threatens to pull your marriage apart.
Middle school can be a confusing time for your children.
They’re experiencing physical changes. Their bodies flood with hormones, which leads to physical growth (some kids grow several inches during this time), hair development in private places, and skin changes: pimples, body odor, etc.
On top of all of that, school can be socially exhausting. They’re surrounded by peers they didn’t choose, and everyone is changing as quickly as they are. It’s a confusing environment within which your child is struggling to discover his or her identity.
There are two reactions to change:
1. Excitement.
2. Struggle.
Most of us understand that change can be good for us, but we still experience mixed feelings. We want to improve ourselves, but we struggle to let go of what used to be. Even positive changes, like a new job or upgrading to a larger home can stir up sadness over what we’re leaving behind.
Change is a complicated and unavoidable part of life for adults.
Lisa and Theo made an appointment with counselor Debra Fileta to discuss their marriage because Lisa didn’t understand why Theo wouldn’t emotionally open up to her. She interpreted his behavior as evidence that he didn’t really love her.
Debra saw something different. She recognized Theo’s behavior as a deficit of skill, not love. He loved Lisa but lacked the tools he needed to express it.
Debra sees similar trouble in a lot of relationships. Couples lack a practical understanding of how to allow God’s love to flow through them toward the people closest to them.
Maybe you’re like many Christian parents who want their kids to have a strong faith in God but don’t know how to help them develop one. Taking your kids to church and youth group is a great start, but the most significant spiritual influence in your child’s life is you.
One of the most meaningful ways parents can pass on their faith is through simple family devotions. While that idea may stir up even more uncertainty, let me assure you that there’s no one “right way” to do it.
We’re all running as fast as we can. Mostly by choice. It’s hard to slow down when society rewards us for being on the go all day, every day. It’s also hard to work full time, build a strong marriage, and raise a family. Some days it’s all we can do to keep up with life’s demands.
The problem isn’t just busy schedules, it’s busy hearts and minds as well. We’re so anxious and stressed out that we’re less likely to notice the fragrance of a flower, the joy of a child’s laughter, or the soul of our spouse.
According to Dr. Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book, a common but often overlooked reason many couples don’t see eye to eye is birth order. That little boy or girl that you once were, you still are.
Your birth order creates a dynamic relationship between you and your parents, and between you and your siblings. Your birth order influences how you see relationships and, therefore, your marriage.
For example, Dr. Leman says firstborns are typically:
• Reliable and conscientious.
Gabe and Rebekah Lyons have a happy, healthy marriage – but they had to fight for it. They met in college and, over three decades, raised four children – including two with Down syndrome. They pursued their relationship with intentionality and purpose, which anchored them while navigating cross-country moves, personal battles with panic disorders and depression, and the challenges balancing ministry and family life. Along the way, they learned how to deepen their intimacy and strengthen their bond.
If you’re a parent, then you’re busy. Your schedule is full from morning until night.
Which raises an important question: When life has you running, how do you make the most of your time with your children?
I’ve always tried to take advantage of the opportunities in front of me. When my boys, Trent and Troy, were young, I struck up thoughtful conversations with them every morning as I drove them to school. Our relationship has been built largely by bike rides, four-wheeling excursions, and camping trips.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
