Daly Focus Blog
I love summer. When my boys were younger, that meant camping with my family. We loved getting outdoors and parking our fifth wheel in some remote location where the sounds of nature aren’t drowned out by cars and busyness.
When there was a lake nearby, the first thing my boys would do is grab rocks to throw into the water. The bigger the better. For them, it was all about the splash. Me? I was intrigued by the ripples.
I don’t know if there’s a secret to building a happy marriage, but there’s one idea that comes pretty close. The happiest couples know their spouse well and feel like their spouse knows them.
There’s a word for that. It’s called intimacy, and the only way to develop relational connection like that is good communication. That means more than talking about the weather. You have to open your hearts to one another and connect at a deeper level.
Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about your marriage from a little dog named Tidbit.
He’s the ugliest dog I think I’ve ever seen. He’s a two and a half pound Yorkie Poo – a mix between a Poodle and Yorkshire Terrier. He’s 15 years old and quirky. He’s afraid to walk across tile floors and is too small to get up and down the stairs on his own. He looks bad, too.
We live in a broken world. It’s not a matter of if the culture will influence our children, it’s a matter of when and how. As such, it’s wise to teach them discernment from a young age. Fortunately, parents can find incredible guidance in the Christian worldview.
The question is, because the enemy comes to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10), what does living as a Christian in today’s culture look like and how can we live out those principles for our families and neighborhoods?
Communication can be difficult for teenagers. When my boys Trent and Troy were younger, I usually tried to strike up a conversation every morning as I drove them to school. Sometimes they were thoughtful and had a lot to say. Other days, all I got were one-word answers.
Many homes feel disconnected because children are distracted by technology. Research indicates that teenagers spend as many as seven to nine hours every day in front of some kind of screen, from computers and smartphones to tablets and televisions.
Tyler Sexton has been an overcomer since the day he was born. So have his parents, Lisa and Kevin.
When Tyler was born at 28 weeks, doctors immediately placed him in an incubator and rushed him by helicopter to a hospital four hours away. They told Lisa and Kevin that Tyler’s lungs could collapse, and he’d die mid-flight. Tyler survived, but a long road of physical trouble, including 16 surgeries, lay ahead.
At 18 months, Tyler was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.
I can tell I’m getting older. For one thing, the guy staring back at me from the mirror has more wrinkles and grey hair than he used to. For another thing, my relationship with my two boys Trent and Troy is different than it used to be. Years ago, we’d wrestle, and I could pin both of them to the floor at the same time. Fast forward a few years, and I could only wrestle one at a time – and it was a coin flip as to which of us would win.
Dr. John Gottman and his researchers can predict with almost 95-percent accuracy whether a couple’s marriage will succeed or fail. Their predictions are based on how couples fight – not how frequently or even the content of their disagreements – but how couples actually engage in conflict. They discovered four elements to conflict – which Dr. Gottman calls “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” – that are destructive to a relationship:
Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling
If the Four Horseman mean certain destruction, how can couples avoid them?
A few years ago, Levi Lusko experienced a midlife crisis that sent him spiraling downward.
A devoted husband, father, pastor, author and speaker, Levi was busy most days from early morning until he went to bed late at night. For nearly two decades, his ambition for more kept his candle burning at both ends. By 2020, Levi had flown a million and a half miles. When the pandemic hit, his activity and his ability to manage his emotions all came to a screeching halt.
“Do I really believe?”
That’s not always such an easy question to answer. We say we believe in all kinds of things – from God and country to values like marriage, family, and justice. But what happens when those beliefs get challenged? Do we stand passively on the sidelines and pretend we believe? Or do we get in the wheelbarrow?
That phrase, “Get in the wheelbarrow,” is a metaphor from the mid-19th century. It sprang up around a man named The Great Blondin.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
