Daly Focus Blog
For a stronger marriage, ask yourself, “What’s my EQ?”
Your IQ is a measure of your intelligence. Your EQ is a measure of your “emotional intelligence.”
The term “EQ” was coined in 1995 by Daniel Goleman, who first applied the concept to businessmen and businesswomen. As he defined it, emotional intelligence is the degree to which you are able to make healthy relational choices based on your understanding of your emotions and the emotions of those around you.
According to the National Center for Fathering, over 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a dad. That’s a staggering number!
I can relate to what each one of those boys and girls is going through. My dad left our family when I was five and died an alcoholic a few years later. Hank, my stepdad, walked out on my siblings and me the day of my mother’s funeral. Even my foster dad, Mr.
Unfortunately, many parents discipline their children with shame.
Shaming takes many forms – screaming, name calling, even humiliation. Shaming may produce an immediate change in behavior, but it results in long-term damage to the child. Shame teaches children that their mistakes lead to condemnation instead of support. They learn to avoid embarrassment and humiliation by hiding rather than seeking help. The parent, instead of being a resource for the child to learn and grow, becomes the cause of the child’s pain and isolation.
Is it possible for wives to change their husbands?
The answer to that is yes. And no.
Researcher John Gottman says that 60% of what characterizes a marriage will never change. That means you marry your spouse essentially “as is.” A person who’s perpetually late may never be on time. And a neat freak will likely never feel comfortable with dust and clutter.
Still, that leaves couples with 40% of their marriage that can be molded and shaped.
If you’re dating, I’d like to share a few important qualities to look for in a mate. Whatever else you may hope to find in a person, these three qualities are a must if you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime.
First, you want a person who respects boundaries. When you ask them not to call late at night, do they honor that request, or do they call anyway? Do they act possessive when you spend time with other people, like family and friends?
It’s a sad reality that many kids grow up going to Sunday school, church, and youth group and still leave home believing Christianity is a list of dos and don’ts. Somehow, the core message of the Gospel doesn’t break through.
One solution is to read the Bible with your children. Many parents want to, but it can be daunting. Kids have short attention spans, and Mom and Dad are exhausted from busy schedules.
So what do you do?
I had the privilege of being in France yesterday as the country observed the 80th anniversary of the Normandy invasion on D-Day. It was a sobering and inspiring experience.
If you’ve seen the coverage on TV, you know that many world leaders were on hand, represented at ceremonies at Normandy and elsewhere: President Biden, French President Emanuel Macron, German Chancellor Olaf Scholz, Britain’s King Charles III, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky among them.
You’re probably running a lot of directions at high speed. You’re so busy that even after your workday ends, there’s more work to be done. Somebody has to pick up the kids from soccer practice and run to the store for groceries. After that, you still have to get home and make dinner, which can take a couple of hours once you cook, eat and clean up the mess.
Who’s got time for that?
Hiring a chef or buying pre-packaged dinners can be expensive.
Ten minutes. That’s all it takes to turn your marriage around.
Sound too easy? Widely respected marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman has published research that shows unhappy couples can dramatically change their relationship if they’ll devote at least ten minutes throughout the day to one another.
It’s what happens in those ten minutes that the magic happens. It’s where couples “turn toward” one another. That means couples shift their focus away from work, kids, and other distractions of the day and turn their attention toward their spouse.
People who aren’t religious typically share a common belief: They only trust in tangible things that can be physically detected. That sounds reasonable until you realize how much of reality exists outside our ability to perceive it.
Let me give you an example. Scientists talk about a thing called Absolute Zero. That’s the temperature at which all heat in a system is completely gone – so cold that even atoms become fully motionless. Absolute Zero is a whopping 460 degrees below zero.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
