Daly Focus Blog
Is happiness in marriage attainable?
A lot of couples don’t think so.
Author Kevin Thompson says, “Absolutely!”
The catch is that couples can’t make happiness the goal. Happiness is the byproduct of an even greater objective. Connecting at a soul level. “And the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5).
How?
By working through challenges together.
Kevin’s grandparents were happily married for 70 years. People often suggested that they were “lucky” to achieve that success.
Usually when someone asks, “Do you know who I am?” it’s an arrogant celebrity who’s had a run-in with authorities. But when that question comes from the heart of a loving mother or father, it can draw the parent and their child closer together.
The next time a conflict erupts between you and your child, ask them the question, “Do you know who I am?” You’ll probably get a confused look the first time you ask it, but it’s a good way to break through the tension and speak words that will strengthen your relationship.
In June 1944, just hours before the D-Day invasion, General Dwight Eisenhower wrote two speeches. The first was to be delivered to his troops if the invasion succeeded. The second, if it failed.
Fortunately, that second speech was never needed. The Allies prevailed, and Hitler’s Nazi regime soon toppled.
But Eisenhower’s handwritten words, preserved in his presidential library, offer a fascinating look at his humble leadership. After praising his troops’ bravery, Eisenhower took full responsibility for the invasion’s failure.
Dr. David Clarke estimates that 80% of women are lonely in their marriages because their relationships are plagued by disappointment, anger, monotony, and unmet expectations.
When couples are dating, many believe that their spouse will become their source of complete fulfillment after they’re married. But once they’re married, they discover that’s impossible.
Erin Smalley understands what it’s like when marriage expectations shatter. Early on in their marriage, she and her husband, Greg, fought frequently. Erin grew up without a positive male role model, so she expected Greg to satisfy her needs perfectly.
Picture this. You’re nine years old, and your mother just died. Your step-dad has abandoned you, so you’ve been taken to live with a family you’ve never met. You’re desperately hoping the man of the house will become the father you never had, but he’s, well, eccentric. Which is why his first assignment for you when you move into the family home is, “You gotta cut the head off a chicken.”
That bizarre scenario actually happened.
If you could change one thing to improve the world, would you focus on everybody else’s problems? Or would you look in the mirror?
The late philosopher G.K. Chesterton once received a letter from a man who asked, “What is wrong with the world?” The man expected to receive a brilliantly articulated reply. Instead, Chesterton wrote back and said, “Dear, sir. What is wrong with the world? I am.”
Chesterton understood that even if everything else in the world was perfect, he wasn’t.
There’s a lot of talk these days about “toxic masculinity,” that is, what men are not supposed to do.
Author Brant Hansen says that many men – especially many young men – don’t know what they’re supposed to do.
The culture routinely deconstructs, but we rarely construct. Men need a vision for what is distinctly and inherently good about masculinity.
God creates men for a purpose. Every man has a role to fill. Whether you’re healthy or have a disability, wealthy or poor, a student, an accountant, or a mechanic, God is calling you to do something and to be something for Him.
There’s a popular belief among Christians that “God won’t give us more than we can handle.” That phrase is intended to encourage, but it’s not biblical, nor is it true. We can’t handle the pain of life all on our own.
That’s never truer than when discussing trauma.
Most people define trauma in extreme terms, like enduring the battlefield or a school shooting. But we can also experience trauma in everyday life, like facing a serious illness, physical injury, or abuse.
When my boys were growing up, my wife and I often talked to them about their goals. Trent and Troy usually focused on things like grades or what they hoped to achieve in sports. Jean and I supported those ambitions, but we also encouraged them to think outside the box, like considering what they could do to develop their character.
Which got my wife and me thinking about setting goals for our marriage. We began having conversations about our relationship in terms of themes, like forgiveness, grace, or patience.
There are two approaches to parenting:
See your child’s mistakes as problems to fix.Understand the “why” behind your child’s behavior to help your child harness their strengths and channel them in positive directions.
The second of those is a strengths-based parenting approach that encourages parents to move beyond the negative (fixing problems or worrying about how poorly the child’s behavior reflects on the parent) and instead parent from positivity: helping your children discover their God-given talent and become the person He created them to be.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
