Daly Focus Blog
Ladies, did you enter into marriage expecting more connection, conversation, and intimacy with your husband than you’re getting? If the romance in your marriage has faded, you may even be wondering, “Did I marry the wrong man?”
My friend and colleague Dr. Juli Slattery tells the women she counsels that the secret to intimacy in marriage is not finding a hero to be your husband … but uncovering the hero that’s already there.
To call forth the hero in your husband, tap into what Dr.
Is making others happy making you miserable?
Maybe you feel guilty when you say no to a friend, a family member, or your spouse. Maybe you’ve earned a reputation as someone who gets things done, so people keep asking you for help. And you agree to help. Even though your schedule is already full.
Author and speaker Karen Ehman knows just how you feel. She has struggled with people pleasing for years. One time, an old friend called to ask if her college-aged son could stay with her family a couple nights a week during his summer internship.
It’s no accident that the World War Two generation earned the nickname “The Greatest Generation.” They fought a bloody war on foreign land so the fight would never come to our shores.
The war wasn’t won by the military alone, however. It was also won on the home front. A certain sensibility permeated society back then, which was, “We’re all in this together. Do your part.”
“Doing your part” meant each person made small sacrifices that benefited the whole country during one of the most uncertain times in our nation’s history.
When authors Gabe and Rebekah Lyons got married, they were a successful, goal-oriented couple who had the next decade of their lives all planned out. Then their firstborn son, Cade, was born with down syndrome and everything changed … for the better.
At first, their son’s condition was a difficult adjustment. Gabe and Rebekah were confronted by the harsh reality that they weren’t in control of their lives as much as they thought they were. They also had to grieve the loss of dreams they had for their son.
It’s been said that it’s “easier to build a boy than to mend a man.”
I agree.
A startling number of boys today are alone, left to figure out for themselves what it means to be a man. They don’t have a father in the home who will engage them.
Oh, Dad may be there. But he isn’t present.
There are a lot of great dads out there, but too many men are disengaged. They don’t see manhood as a quality to intentionally bestow upon their sons.
For couples to have a strong marriage, they have to spend time together. But that can be tough when life is so busy. One of the ways to solve that problem is to maximize everyday moments. How? Instead of waiting for the perfect circumstances to come along, take advantage of key moments that already happen every day.
The first is when you say goodbye in the morning. On a typical day, one or both of you will likely leave the house.
Did you get married to do laundry? To pay bills? To cook dinner or wash the dishes?
No one does. And yet, many couples wind up with a marriage that becomes “ho-hum” and business-like. At some point after the joy of the wedding ceremony, life settles into a daily grind of routine activity. Careers are chased, children are born, a larger home is purchased with two new cars in the garage.
And, slowly, the romance fades.
It was just an old watch.
That’s what one man thought when he decided to have his Rolex appraised by the experts at Antiques Roadshow. The man, identified only as “David,” had bought the watch in 1974 for $345. He’d worn it just a few times in all those years and didn’t believe it had increased much in value. Boy, was he wrong.
The appraiser surprised David by telling him that the watch was worth at least $200,000.
The wear and tear of everyday life can take a toll on even the happiest couples. Which is why marriage and family counselor Dr. Randy Schroeder says seeking daily happiness is unrealistic. A better approach is to pursue consistent marital satisfaction.
How? Through good habits.
Dr. Schroeder offers “4 daily essentials” that will help create good habits in your relationship with your spouse:
“Goodbye, I love you.” Whoever leaves the house each day first should be the one to say this.
If you’re stuck in the wilderness and everything around you is thick with trees, true north is what gets you out. When you’re navigating the confusion of society, your spiritual and relational true north will guide you.
Jesus gave us His true north when he said that the two greatest things we can do are love God and love our neighbor (Matt. 22:37-40). He equated the two. Which means that when the world is spinning out of control, the way through is to cling to objective values that never change – like truth, love, and humble sacrifice.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
