Daly Focus Blog
Doris Amrine called the police after her husband went missing.
Her worry was understandable. Three years after Melvyn’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, he needs help to accomplish tasks like walking around the block. With his memory slipping away, Melvyn has trouble remembering how he had proposed to his wife of 60 years.
But the story I want to share with you today isn’t about what Melvyn has forgotten – it’s about what he remembered on the day he left the house.
I tried this little exercise once and found it revealing. Maybe you’d find it helpful as well.
It works like this:
Write down everything you do in a typical week. Among other things, your list might include working at your job, enjoying a hobby, or tinkering with projects around the house.
Next, place a check mark by the items you do out of obligation, and a heart by the activities you do from a sense of passion.
When you ask couples which household issues influence the success of a marriage, things like kids and finances usually rise to the top.
But did you know that chores rank third on that list?!
How can something as simple as housework fuel conflict in a marriage?
Rather easily it turns out. As we all know, life gets busy. Not long after the “I do’s,” couples tend to get focused on (or maybe I should say, “distracted by”) the household tasks they care about, while forgetting the burdens their spouse is carrying.
He’s tall, dark and handsome. Witty. Intellectual. Smart. Well-read. Spontaneous. Motivated. Masculine. Good hair, good dresser. Musically talented. Organized. Creative. Responsible. Strong handshake.
He also hates cats, but loves chocolate and talking about feelings. He spends most Saturdays volunteering at the homeless shelter or rescuing stray kittens. He’s working toward his MBA.
And when he isn’t fishing, hunting or running a marathon, he’s playing his guitar and writing songs. He doesn’t eat McDonalds.
He makes loafers look good.
Isn’t summer great? It’s the season for family vacations, blooming flowers, patriotic celebrations, and best of all – weddings. June, July, and August continue to be the most popular months to get married.
Maybe you’re like me in that whenever I have the privilege of witnessing a man and a woman exchange vows, I can’t help but wonder what their future holds. Will their love gradually deepen? What challenges will they face? Where will they be in five, ten, or fifty years?
Many weddings take place in the month of June. It’s a happy time of starry-eyed couples pledging each other a lifetime of love and commitment. It’s a beautiful phase of a romantic relationship – one full of promise and hope.
And marriage is great. There is great joy in living life with your best friend. But as husbands and wives know, there are also challenges to being married. Sometimes that shiny and new marriage gets some dings and dents as the years go by.
We’ve all seen a marriage in crisis.
We all know people who have struggled (or are struggling) within their marital relationship.
Maybe that someone is you.
Or perhaps it’s someone you love, like a son or daughter or your best friend from high school.
You can’t stand to see the marriage falling apart. You feel helpless.
When you ask, you’re told that everything that can be thought of has been tried.
Traditional counseling. A visit with the pastor.
The New York Times recently ran an article that explored the premise that couples in egalitarian marriages had sex less frequently.
So how is a union defined as “egalitarian?”
According to “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?” it’s where husbands and wives “share the housework and child care, communicate openly and prioritize each other’s careers.”
Researchers found that couples in these types of marriages have sex 1.5 fewer times a month than those who subscribe to more traditional gender roles.
It’s a minute-long video that shares a reality some would want to deny.
In a clip from “Irreplaceable,” Focus on the Family’s first movie debuting in a one-night event on May 6, host Tim Sisarich talks with Dr. Anne Moir, a neuropsychologist.
And yet, there are some professionals who claim that “saying there are differences in male and female brains is just not true.” These voices believe the differences between men and women are learned and shaped through culture.
A couple of months ago I blogged about marriage and joy. In that post, I encouraged Christian couples to live out a marriage that exemplified the goodness of God’s design by enjoying each other and having fun together. One sentence summed up the crux of that post:
“It does the culture and the Church a world of good when Christians mix joy and pleasure into the message of commitment and sacrifice in marriage.”
Today I want to introduce you to a husband and wife who can show us all a thing or two about applying that simple truth.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
