Daly Focus Blog
Chocolate was a symbol of how bad Sandy and Tom’s marriage had become.
They were in a drive-thru ordering food, and Sandy asked for a chocolate shake. Tom said “no” and forced her to reorder. Vanilla, he believed, was the better choice. He was convinced chocolate would make her face break out and cause her to gain weight.
Tom didn’t realize it at the time, but the problem wasn’t chocolate, it was control. To get the marriage he was after, Tom thought he had to rule with an iron fist.
The 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation is fast approaching. On Reformation Day, we remember how Martin Luther, a German monk, nailed his 95 Theses on the door of a Wittenberg church on Oct. 31, 1517.
But while Martin Luther is closely associated with his opposition to selling indulgences – monetary payments to receive forgiveness for sin – fewer people today know he was also instrumental in helping change the way Christians look at marriage.
Before the Reformation took place, celibate service to God was often seen as the highest calling.
Proverbs 19:15 says, “Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger” (ESV).
Second Thessalonians 3:10 says, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat” (ESV).
Those Scriptures and others warn us against laziness. God expects us to work and blesses us through it.
Some of us overcorrect and swing to the other extreme. The busier the better.
If “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” then busyness is his playground.
There’s a reason so many couples have a hard time resolving marital conflict. When a disagreement erupts, they immediately sit down, start talking, and try to work out their differences.
Kinda sounds like the correct thing to do, doesn’t it? But according to my colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, that’s the “absolute worst” thing you could do. Working through a disagreement with your spouse is part of the equation, but it’s not the place to begin.
Jesus laid out the proper path of reconciliation in Matthew 7:3 (ESV): “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”
Tempers can flare and hearts can close in the midst of conflict.
When it comes to marriage, Bob Kraning and his wife, Carol, have got the experience that counts. In May, they celebrated 60 years as husband and wife.
Whenever I hear about a couple like that, I can’t help but wonder, “What’s their secret?”
Bob provides some of the answers in a recorded message called “Twenty-Five Years and Still in Love.” Their “secrets” are actually timeless truths available to all of us. That’s why this program has been a blessing to countless marriages for the nearly 30 years we’ve been airing it.
The problem with life moving so fast is you never see the cracks starting to form.
That’s what Bob and Audrey discovered. They met in Bible college. They were passionate about their faith and each other and wanted to change the world together. They got married, and within a few years had three kids, were active in a national ministry, and began pastoring a thriving church. They attended marriage conferences and read books together. They were highly visible and well-known in their community.
Dr. Gary Chapman never asks troubled couples, “Do you want to work on your marriage?”
Wanting something is a function of the emotions, and emotions rely on desire to get things moving.
That’s why Dr. Chapman asks troubled couples, “Will you work on your marriage?” The will involves decisions, not feelings. If a couple can say yes to that question, then good things can happen with the right guidance.
Some couples are headed for a divorce because they don’t know any other way to resolve their conflict.
The secret to winning in a team sport is no secret at all. Teammates have to share a common goal and know how to work together to achieve it. When you wear the same uniform, it’s not about “me,” it’s about “we.”
That commitment to unity is what makes a marriage work, too. But working together as a team isn’t always easy. Just ask Joshua and Christi. They sometimes miss the goal of teamwork in their marriage, too.
It’s been called “the success sequence.”
That’s the order young people should reach major life milestones if they want to increase their odds of financial stability and success.
Here what the success sequence looks like: Get at least a high school education, work full-time, get married, have children – in that order.
Sadly, a new analysis of federal data finds that that’s not the order many millennials are doing things – and they’re paying the price.
When actor and comedian Patton Oswalt suddenly lost his wife, Michelle, in April 2016, he went public with his grief.
“She hasn’t left a void. She’s left a blast crater,” the heartbroken widower wrote in an open letter, where he also talked about the impact his wife’s death has had on their 7-year-old daughter, Alice.
And his public, palpable grief may be why some people have reacted with surprise – and even criticism – when news broke of Patton’s recent engagement last week.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
