Daly Focus Blog
My wife, Jean, does a good job of organizing our household – more than she gives herself credit for, for sure. I’m pretty organized at work, but at home the garage is my main thing.
Where Jean and I both struggle is the closets. We’re both busy with our everyday responsibilities, so extra items get tossed into the closet to be dealt with later. And when we have free time, who wants to use it cleaning out closets?
Are you a clam or a crowbar?
That’s an analogy Dr. David Clarke uses to help husbands and wives understand how their poor communication skills have landed them in his counseling office.
In almost every marriage, there’s a clam. The percentages suggest it’s usually men, but it can be women, too.
In either case, clams are the ones who don’t naturally talk on an emotionally deep level. They clam up. But every time they do, their spouses break out a crowbar to pry them open.
One day, well into her adult years, Florence Littauer’s dad invited her into a tiny back room of the little store he had operated for decades. Against one wall was an upright piano. Her dad reached behind it and pulled an old cigar box from its hiding place.
Inside were articles he had published in the local paper. Florence was surprised. She had no idea her father was a writer. He’d never discovered his true potential because no one had ever encouraged him.
“She felt like she had given me the most precious, delicate part of who she was, and I had thrown it in the trash.”
That’s Jonathan Daugherty speaking there, and the she he’s referring to is his wife. He’d just confessed to her that he was addicted to pornography and had had multiple affairs. The revelation left her devastated and curled up in a fetal position. The shame of his behavior left Jonathan suicidal.
Fallout like that is not unique.
Some people over fifty see the aging process as the glass being half empty.
Some see it as half full.
Then there’s the comedian I once heard who saw the glass as twice as big as it needed to be.
Stuart and Jill Briscoe use the glass analogy as a way to describe what they call their “realistic view of aging.” The top half is completely empty, and the bottom half is completely full.
Aging is an undeniable fact of life.
Most people enter marriage with high expectations. They dream of long walks through the neighborhood every night and long walks along the beach in the summer. Every day will be romantic and exciting.
But somewhere between “I do” and “happily ever after” daily life settles into a predictable routine. And by “predictable” I mean “mundane” – dare I even say “boring.” Before long, discontentment kicks in, and we’re living in what I call the “when’s” and “if only’s” of life.
The call to forgive others lies at the heart of the Christian message.
But that doesn’t make it easy.
Forgiveness is tough. The human heart is wired for justice. When somebody sins against us, the hurt we feel is a cry for wrongs to be made right again. And when they can’t be, we often want the other person to suffer in some way that will help us feel that the debt has been satisfied. At least, we tell ourselves this is true.
In anticipation of Mother’s Day weekend, I want to share a sweet video with you that celebrates moms:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjWoRd4OMZw
You know, as Christians, we should all be living lives worth emulating, because our lives should reflect Jesus Christ.
But that reality – that others are watching us – is especially true for parents. Our children (yes, including the older ones) watch our every move and even tend to mimic our words and behaviors.
And that’s one reason why I thank the Lord for godly moms.
Whether it’s our marriage, parenting or our profession, it’s common for us to get so consumed in our own little world of trouble that we forget that every problem we face has, in some form or fashion, also been a problem for prior generations.
Nowhere is this more true than in marriage. In fact, in doing research for my book, Marriage Done Right, I reviewed plenty of old pamphlets and books that were full of marital advice.
Just a few wayward sparks. That’s all it takes to start a fire capable of burning through an entire city.
The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 is proof of that. It is one of the largest disasters in American history. According to popular accounts from the time, Catherine O’Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern in a humble barn on DeKoven Street. What started as a small fire grew into an inferno that destroyed miles of homes and razed Chicago’s business district.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
