Daly Focus Blog
They say the eyes are a window to the soul.
If that’s true, husbands, then what are the eyes of your wife telling you?
Do they seem alive and vibrant? Or are they tired and withdrawn? The difference could lie in how she sees herself in your eyes.
God’s Word couldn’t be more clear about the incalculable worth of women. Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” (ESV).
“It’s just like an American to think you invented the family.”
That’s what Dr. Lilian Wahomey, a psychologist in Kenya, jokingly said to me over lunch one day. I met with her almost 25 years ago to explore ways Focus on the Family could come alongside families in Africa.
“Do you think our focus on marriage and parenting will be relevant in this part of the world?” I had asked.
With a friendly smile, she reminded me that the core needs of marriages and families transcend language, culture, nationality, and socio-economic status.
“I always say that the loneliest place I’ve ever been in my life is not Afghanistan but in my own bed … with my wife’s back turned to me.”
That comment from veteran Chad Robichaux resonates with a lot of military couples, who sacrifice and endure demands on their marriages most civilians don’t understand.
After 9/11, Chad’s special ops unit did eight tours of duty in Afghanistan. Survival in the war-torn Middle East requires good training and high degrees of adrenaline and emotional intensity.
My marriage enjoyed a significant boost a couple of summers ago on a family vacation to Glacier National Park in Montana.
Jean, the boys, and I hiked to a place called Hidden Lake but were stopped several hundred yards away. It was spawning season for the trout, and the bears were especially active. Still, from where we were, we could see the bears splashing through the water hunting for fish.
I should say my boys and I could see them.
Are you worried your spouse isn’t your soul mate?
Well, let me encourage you with this: soul mates aren’t found, they’re formed over time.
Juana Mikels and her husband, Terry, are proof of that. College sweethearts, they walked down the aisle believing the planets had surely aligned in order for them to find each other. But just two years into their marriage, the planets had all but fallen out of their orbits.
Juana was convinced she had married the wrong person.
Picture yourself in an antique store.
You’re standing before an old chair, its wood dinged up and the varnish dirty and worn. At first, you have trouble seeing past the grime and scratches to appreciate its craftsmanship.
But what if, just as you turn to leave the store, you discovered the chair belonged to Abraham Lincoln? Suddenly, instead of a banged up old relic, you’re looking at a piece of history.
What happened? The chair didn’t change.
As a single person, sometimes I look around and wonder what happened to marriage.
In my Millennial demographic, it seems like more people are choosing to live together or hookup with someone on Tinder than choosing to tie the knot.
The studies show that there’s a growing pool of young single adults who seem to have little drive to marry. A recent Pew Research study found that most Millennials won’t marry until at least age 27, and 25 percent will never marry at all.
I know my wife loves me.
She tells me so every day, but she also brings me coffee.
I usually start each day with some quiet time for devotions and to look over work for the day ahead. Many days Jean will bring me a nice hot cup of joe. It’s her way of saying, “I love you.”
I should say, it’s my way of hearing, “I love you.”
In the same way our personality has us hardwired to be introverted or extroverted, we all feel love in specific ways.
The empty nest years can sneak up on a marriage.
I shared my thoughts about this in a post a few weeks ago:
“Well-meaning moms and dads spend so many years completely devoted to the task of raising their children that they often forget to be husband and wife. It’s a situation that may be manageable while the kids are still at home and there’s enough work to ‘float’ the relationship along – but it can become unbearable after the kids move out.
Here in Colorado, you can tell that winter is right around the corner. The days are getting cooler, and you can feel it in your bones: that first arctic blast isn’t too far off.
The end of summer has me already longing for spring because once the cold, snow, and ice set in around here, they seem to last forever.
It’s no fun being stuck in winter.
That icy chill is even worse to be stuck in when it describes your marriage.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
